My mum and dad have just moved house. While in the process of unpacking their belongings they came across a pack of photographs mixed up in a box of assorted odds and ends. The photographs were of my wedding. It’s been ten years since I got married and, let’s be honest, looking through your wedding pics isn’t one of life’s priorities. Consequently I hadn’t looked at pictures of our wedding for some time. It was amazing to see how things had changed and how people had changed. I spent a good chunk of an evening, round at my mum and dad’s new house, reminiscing about a great day and having a laugh at the fashions and the hairstyles. Some of my friends still have hair and others don’t! It was an enjoyable experience but there were also sad memories – sad because some of the couples that attended our wedding are no longer together and also because some of our loved ones, smiling in the pictures, are no longer alive
I found myself thinking ‘My, haven’t things changed!’ and, to be honest, it took me by surprise. Why? Why should I be surprised by change? Surely change is to be expected? After all, life is full of changes; we all go through various stages of developmental change: We are born, we change into toddlers then into infants and, all to soon, into teenagers (the one thing many parents would prefer we didn’t change into!). We become young adults, possibly parents and beyond that we can look forward to the changes of middle age and the retirement years.
When I was a child we moved around a lot because of my dad’s work. Whenever we returned to an area that we had lived in previously and met people we once knew, they would often say, ‘Haven’t you changed?’ Sometimes I would get, ‘Haven’t you grown!’, although that comment stopped when I was about 10 because I stopped growing! Such comments were often uttered in surprised tones. Why the surprise? Why are we surprised by change? I wonder if it is because, deep down inside, we don’t want change. We become comfortable with the way we are or the way things around us are; we are living in a comfort zone.
As a divorce solicitor, this is often one of the biggest things I come across when I first meet a client. For example, a husband or wife, who has been in a marriage for over 20 years, comes to see me because their spouse has left them and they are in a state of shock. Often they have asked their spouse, ‘What has changed?’ It is not uncommon for the spouse who is leaving to respond by saying that they have changed and feel that their partner hasn’t or doesn’t want to.
Such relationships might be described as having been ‘stuck in a rut’. Sometimes one half of the partnership has been experiencing changes in their life, perhaps emotionally, while the partner hasn’t noticed, or hasn’t wanted to acknowledge that there has been any change.
Whether change is a good thing or a bad thing, we can guarantee that, in life, there will always be change. The following quotation puts it succinctly:
There is a time for everything, A season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to rebuild. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak up. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
Those words are found in the Bible1 and are often read out at weddings (or funerals!). The themes outlined in this quote from the Bible, written thousands of years ago, highlight the fact that one thing never changes: in life, there will be change and lots of it! Ozzy and Kelly Osbourne even recognised this fact with their 2003 hit Changes. Sometimes change is good and sometimes change is bad. It really shouldn’t come as a surprise to us, yet somehow it still does.
I think the great thing about the Bible quotation is the idea that, if we are in a ‘dip’ in life, we can recognise it as a season – a chapter in our life – that will change. We will be able to come out the other end, even though it doesn’t seem like it at the time. A good quote that I’ve picked up from my parents’ generation, which helps me to remember this concept is: ‘This too shall pass!’ How many times have I said that on the treadmill or the cross-trainer at the gym?! Seriously, this phrase helps me to consider the bigger picture of life, knowing that I don’t have to be in the ‘dip’ forever.
So, is there anything we can do to pre-empt the seasons of change? I’m not sure that there is. If we knew what was coming round the corner all the time, life would either be extremely predictable – and boring – or extremely worrying. I think the best thing we can do is to acknowledge that life does have seasons of change and, by recognising the fact, we can be forewarned and thus forearmed.
Certainly, if change comes in a positive way, we have good reason to celebrate and embrace change. I can think of many positive changes: meeting a life-long partner, having children (not sure about that one personally but for most of my friends who have children it seems to be a positive), finding a job you enjoy, meeting new friends, discovering a new flavour of ice cream, the list goes on!
If change arrives and it is a negative experience you need to draw on, and focus on, the positives around you that can help you adjust and adapt without going under.
There is an incredible story in the Bible about a chap named Job who experienced a lot of negative changes in his life. He lost his children, he lost his home, he lost his livelihood and he even lost his health (the only thing he didn’t lose was his nagging wife). There were so many sudden, negative changes in his life that he couldn’t see any good things that he could draw on to keep him going. The story ends with God letting Job know that, despite everything he has endured in his life, all the negative changes, God is still with him.
This is the point where I have to confess to a lapse in musical taste to make a point! You may remember a band called Take That who achieved pop chart success in the 90s with the hit single, ‘Everything Changes But You’. As I was thinking about the topic of change, this song title popped into my head because it (the song title, not any individual members of the band) reminds me of God.
There’s a verse in the Bible which says, ‘Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.’ 2 According to the Bible account Jesus was the creative force that gave life to mankind and the planet we live on. His reason? – to love and to be loved. I believe that God created me – and you – out of love. I know he will help me through the changes in my life, if I ask him to, and, because he is constant and timeless, he will continue to support and love me in the future.
What are your positives? What things can you identify as the good things in your life that could serve as beacons to get you out of a negative change rut? If you’re struggling for answers remember: everything changes but God – and he’s loved you forever!
My mum and dad have just moved house. While in the process of unpacking their belongings they came across a pack of photographs mixed up in a box of assorted odds and ends. The photographs were of my wedding. It’s been ten years since I got married and, let’s be honest, looking through your wedding pics isn’t one of life’s priorities. Consequently I hadn’t looked at pictures of our wedding for some time. It was amazing to see how things had changed and how people had changed. I spent a good chunk of an evening, round at my mum and dad’s new house, reminiscing about a great day and having a laugh at the fashions and the hairstyles. Some of my friends still have hair and others don’t! It was an enjoyable experience but there were also sad memories – sad because some of the couples that attended our wedding are no longer together and also because some of our loved ones, smiling in the pictures, are no longer alive
