A couple of years ago I moved into a new house with my cat. My housemate had moved in first, unpacked and then gone on holiday, leaving me alone with all the new creaks and groans that houses have. Now I am a pretty independent girl and I don’t scare too easily, but I received the biggest scare of my life the first night I spent alone in the house.
Just as I was drifting off into a blissful sleep I was woken by a loud crashing sound coming from somewhere outside my bedroom door. And what was worse, my scaredy-cat (she was terrified of birds) started growling! Not a little wimpy, cutesy kitty cat growl, but a growl that would have frightened a Rottweiler! It completely freaked me out!
Somewhere out there amid unpacked boxes, my TV, DVD player, stereo and computer was something . . . or someone. I froze with fear. For what seemed like an hour I just lay there like a frightened rabbit, trying not to breathe, straining my ears for footsteps, door handles being turned . . . or the sound of my stereo being taken through a window.
Eventually my cat stopped growling and went off to sleep, leaving me alone with my imagination. Not a good thing! After scaring myself silly with various scenarios, I too fell asleep, exhausted, but still clutching my mobile phone – just in case.
The next morning I woke up and within seconds I remembered the previous night’s terror. In the daylight I felt a bit foolish, but still I was curious to see if there were any open windows, and terrified to see what was missing. I was sure I had been burgled.
I cautiously ventured out of my bedroom door. James Bond would have been proud. I inched my way out of the door and along the wall, throwing back doors and calling ‘clear’ to my imaginary back up team. Then I got to the kitchen. Strewn across the floor was a mass of plastic kitchenware that I had carefully stacked the night before. My midnight terror, it seems, was caused by gravity and a pile of plastic! I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
All the energy I had expended worrying and being terrified was a waste. I felt so foolish, but I had never been so scared in my life. From one noise, my overactive imagination had gone into overdrive and concocted a variety of terrifying situations. In the end none of them happened, thank goodness, but it did start me thinking about the role fear plays in my life.
To begin with I started thinking how, if that situation had been more dangerous, would my fear have protected me? As it’s done in all of lives, fear has saved us from many things. I try not to speed because I am scared that I will get fined. A friend started exercising because she was scared of her family history of heart disease. Another friend is scared of walking down dark streets at night because she fears being mugged, or worse. Fear protects and keeps us safe. But what happens when fear over-steps the mark? What happens when fear starts controlling our lives? What happens when fear stops protecting and starts destroying?
It’s pretty obvious that on a global scale fear has now become an instrument that is used to control people. In light of recent events, we may all automatically think of terrorism. Yes, people use fear as a form of manipulation. And through marketing and advertising, fear is used to convince us we need more to be acceptable and OK. But I’m much more interested in how fear controls us through more subtle means.
In his book The Meaning of Things: Applying Philosophy to Life, A.C. Grayling states, ‘And if there is anything worth fearing in the world, it is living in such a way that one gives oneself cause for regret in the end.’
And this is what I am referring to.
So many of us live lives that are a fraction of the life we could lead. Instead of trying to reach our dreams, we hold ourselves back. Instead of grabbing opportunities as they present themselves, we fear what changes these opportunities may bring, or we fear that we may not be up to the task. We fear our ability to deliver, so we don’t try. We fear we may fail, so we say no. We fear we may get hurt so we remove ourselves from the very situations that could liberate us. We are scared of being vulnerable so we close ourselves off from others. We don’t take risks because we are scared things may not work out. We’re scared of breaking up; we’re scared of trying to resolve things. We’re scared of leaving our comfort zones, and we’re scared of staying in them.
A lot of people say that our ultimate fear is of dying, but I believe what we are most scared of – is really living. The power of choice that we have in our lives is the greatest thing we have going for us. Why waste that power by always choosing the easy option or the least frightening? Each one of us has so much more to offer. We have so much potential that I think sometimes it scares us. In her book, 'Return to Love', Marianne Williamson put it in a nutshell: ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are we not to be?
‘You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us. It is in everyone. As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.’
What’s holding you back from really living your life?
A couple of years ago I moved into a new house with my cat. My housemate had moved in first, unpacked and then gone on holiday, leaving me alone with all the new creaks and groans that houses have. Now I am a pretty independent girl and I don’t scare too easily, but I received the biggest scare of my life the first night I spent alone in the house. 
